A few months ago, I was mindlessly scrolling through Twitter, when I came across the funniest blog post by @amandajaaayne about her past make-up mistakes. I related to so many of them, and absolutely loved her idea. She kindly gave me permission to write my own post on the same topic, but I think it’s only fair to give credit where it’s due so definitely go read hers at https://tinyurl.com/yawbb4el and give her a follow!
So, I’ve decided to include photos high-lighting all my past forays into terrible make-up and what I’m asking is for you please not to judge me. I have had a significant glo-up since then. Here is an unedited selfie from last weekend:
Ok, so now you’re mildly confident that I can still be allowed to own a beauty blog, let’s crack on!
Squared Off & Wonky Brows
So, this is the most recent faux pas – as recently as May this year, I had not learnt how to do a feathered brow effect. I was convinced my brows looked good with this incredibly blunt, squared-off effect, despite this making them look hilariously uneven. It distresses me how nice this photo could have been if I hadn’t done these brows!
I am effing pale and I legit look like a baby goth without a good contour and blush. Now, I like my pale skin and so I’ve always used a foundation and powder that matches my skin tone. This means that without bronzer, my face also lacks definition and I look like I have no cheekbones at all. Sometimes, these days I will leave the house without bronzer, but only if I’m just walking to the corner shop or going to do the rest of make-up when I arrive at wherever I’m going.
Having No Idea How Colour Worked
How I look on this night out has always pained me when I happen across the pictures. If nothing else, I have this really weird horse-y face vibe going on, that I’ve never seen my face do on any other occasion, before and after. Ignoring that, though, like, what even is going on here? The hair, the dress, the make-up – why did I think this looked nice? Any of it? SO the dress, by itself is really nice and I wore it out only last month, and got a ton of compliments on it. (ASOS, circa 2012) But it’s a good general rule never to match your outfit solely to your hair colour. That said, think how much worse this would have been if the dress had been orange too!? It could always be worse, kids – that’s the lesson from this photo. Also that white eye-shadow only works on a monochrome colour palette and a cool toned face.
That Time I Wore False Eyelashes & Didn’t Trim Them
(oh, God, why am I showing pictures)
I have only worn fake eyelashes twice. This fateful night and 2 months ago when I was filming my Halloween make-up looks. My friend was doing Halloween make-up with me and showed me the CORRECT way to put eyelashes on – i.e. trimming them to fit the last 3/4 of your eyes first and leaving the glue to – almost – dry before applying the lash. However, past-me did not know this and just conked a massive lash that was a solid 2cm too long over my eyeball. It’s still one of my goals to be one of those girls who wears eyelashes every day, but I think we’re going to be taking baby steps for a while yet.
Going Effing CRAZY On the Bronzer.
(Someone told me to apply it everywhere, and I did, and then my friend told me I looked really nice, but she was obviously lying because fucking LOOK!)
On the flip-side to wearing no bronzer at all, welcome to the strange 2 month period where I put it ALL OVER my face. It was Collection 2000’s mosaic bronzing block (which these days I’d steer clear of unless looking for a mid-summer highlighter due to all the shimmer). I had a big fat brush, I think it was one of those short, stumpy ‘kabuki’ ones from Claire’s Accessories which was all but pointless as a blending tool. I weirdly, vividly remember turning up to a film theory lecture at uni and my friend Tam telling me I looked ‘nice’ with absolute sincerity. We’ll never know. All I do know is never EVER to try this look again.
Oh my God, I am cringing at these photos SO HARD. But ANYWAY, thanks for laughing along with me and thank you very much Amanda for the inspiration for this post, it was hella fun to write. Peace out!